1) I need some candy. Am I a diabetic yet? I dunno. All signs point to "probably." 2) If I don't get a laptop so I can work at home while I watch Rockstar: INXS I'm probably going to get fired because I can't stop reading Stephanie Klein's blog. I mean, amongst other things. 3) I'm going to see "The Best Young Elvis Ever" at the Old Daisy tonight for free because my mom told them I write an entertainment and music blog. Awesome! 4) They opened a Ben & Jerry's up next door to my office building. This is probably not a good thing.


I'm pretty sure this leather beer holster is going to be an essential part of my fall wardrobe. I mean, just as soon as someone buys me one since I'd have to be a beer-hungry hipster to even want one. It says here it'll even hold my vodka and Redbull! Excellent. [virgin threads]


This Email Is Making Fun of You

I missed the bus yesterday. No, I mean, I missed the 32 bus and had to walk from Poplar and Hollywood to E. Parkway and Central, which under normal circumstances would be manageable. Hell, if I were half-way inclined towards athleticism of any sort, I'd jog it and probably not even break a sweat or anything. However, when it's about five billion degrees outside and you're still hungover from the previous night's debacle and your stomach feels as if it has detached from whatever holds it in place inside of your torso and is instead bouncing around like some demonic biological Pong blip and sweat is dripping down your spine and pooling somewhere in your ass crack causing chaffing and a terrible clammy sensation and blisters the size of f'ing Texas are sprouting up in absurd places on your feet because you couldn't focus well enough to find socks that morning as you realized you were insanely late for work, walking 82 1/2 blocks through the 'hood is not what you want to be doing. And don't you dare fucking honk at me or say "Hey baby" as you drive by because I will not smile, I will not appreciate your appreciation of my sweaty, chaffing ass, I will not talk to you, I will not get in the car with you, and I don't care if you have beer or cigarettes or you're going my way or whatever. Just fuck off is all. I found a Subway coupon on the sidewalk and then I got a slurpee, blue raspberry and strawberry mixed, at the Kwik Stop or whatever around the corner and peeled my sticky clothes off as soon as i got in the door and passed out on the floor, instantly feeling slightly better. A nap sounds scandalously magnificent and my stomach is all tight and uncomfortable from eating at a Mexican Buffet for lunch. "Mexican" and "buffet" are two words that should never, ever be combined in practical application. Never. You know, I sort of love how my floor is the only floor in this whole office building on which the elevator doors slide open and the thick stench of a bar floods in to greet you. I sort of love it, but it's not combining well with the Mexican Buffet and I just am not in the mood for this shit today. In other news, Rachel made fun of my huge girl feet Monday night. Little did she know it has been a source of profound insecurities since, like, 1984 or something.


Dear Angelina Jolie, I understand that perhaps you felt some obligation to follow through on your proclamation of support for starving children in Africa, but, frankly...Cambodian babies are cuter. I'm sorry. R.L.D.

Curb Your Dogma

Saturday started out sluggish then rapidly turned into a 12 hour party that both began and ended in a pool. Rachel picked me up and toted me and EJ out to Lakeland to a Brad's Pool Party Extravaganza. It was probably one of the nicest houses and coolest pools I've ever been in, there was tequila (the kind for mixing, not the kind for shooting, oops) and salmonella chicken and such. Then we went to Sip* for to see Jason and Justice. It was a very good show, I was reminded how much I actually like Jason's stuff and decided that Honey Tightrope is my new favorite song. After that we skipped out and made a prolonged appearance at the Psych party at the Hi Tone. I rather enjoyed the DJ's (Buck Wilders and the Hook Up) but the band was more of a Suck band (haha) than any good Psych band I've ever heard. I dunno, I didn't imbibe in anything illegal but honestly the room was still spinning by the time we went over to another Brad's house for something of an after party and THEN it was off to Harbor Town for a 5:00am dip. The hot tub was off, but the "heated" pool was a perfect luke warm tempurature and Sim's hair looked funny. I don't do this sort of thing very often anymore. That's why I feel the need to recap. I bought a bigger air conditioner and went to the grocery store Sunday. I stayed in and ate a turkey sandwich on my big furry rug in my very own air conditioned nightmare. I watched Grey's Anatomy and went to bed early, even though my nerves felt sort of crunchy and unravled underneath my skin. I didn't sleep well. Umm. Somebody buy me one of these:

Tiger of the Balkans

Perhaps because I seem to have had a soft spot for European boys in the past (particularly Eastern bloc types,) I occassionally get invited into phony Green Card marriages. The most recent one is Boris, a nice Serbian boy that my friend Nicole (the one in Alaska) thinks is absolutely adorable and is desperate to set up so he doesn't have to go back to Serbia in October when his Visa expires. I'm actually considering it this time around. I don't get a chance to change someone's life in a profound kind of way very often and I hear it's a good thing to do. You know, what goes around comes around and all that jazz. Plus, it wouldn't hurt to have a Serbian citizenship because Serbia is the new Tiger of the Balkans and stuff.
"There are tigers in the Far East, and there will be tigers here in the Balkans as well, since wolves are not all that interesting."
Priceless. Further investigation reveals the rules of having your very own Green Card Girl, or in my case, a Green Card Boy. Yep, this fall you might be calling me Mrs. Jovanovic. Alex Blagg at the P&H tonight at 9:00pm followed by costumed debauchery at the Hi Tone for Elizabeth's birthday. The theme is celebrity couples. Mark Richens and I are contemplating a Tom & Katie duo, but that somehow seems cliche. I mean, how obvious is that right now. I think we should do the classic Pope and Altar Boy combo, personally. Or The Govornator and Maria Shriver. Except, I don't think I can pull off a Maria Shriver unless somebody ties me up with an ugly table cloth. Then I'd be a dead ringer. I'm damn hungry.


Yes, I am easily amused

Furthermore, let me reiterate that my friend Jason Cimon is playing with Justice Naczycz of The Secret Service et cetera tomorrow about 8:00pm at Sip* Coffee & Conversations which is inside Midtown Artist Market and across the street from that Turner Dairy place. It's BYOB, plus good coffee to carry you through the rest of the evening's events. Monday, Alex Blagg of BlaggBlog is going to be at the P&H Monday night. No Cover, I believe the doors open at 8:00.


Back in Action

So I'm back in town and back at work and likely to be spending more time going out and being stupid as well as updatng my website--all for your entertainment, of course. I know you're just so excited you can barely contain yourself. That's the early show next Saturday. You should go. Seriously.


My job is eating me. I don't have the time to update this, and may not all week. Tragic, I know, but you will survive. I am sure of it.


First and most important:

"Get the Facts"
Second, go check out Casablanca at the Orpheum tonight. 7:15, $6.00. After that, you have one of two choices:
Makeshift Benefit Augustine, Noise Choir, Walkie Talkie and DJs B-Rad and Franswa Hi Tone | Doors @ 9:00pm | $5.00
Jeffry Novak One Man Band Record Release Party with Rat Traps and the Withdrawals Buc | Doors @ 9:00pm | $5.00
Saturday, you have to go to the M√úTZ show at the Armory. Free beer with a $5.00 cover. Sounds like a good deal to me! Sunday, it's another drive in party, this time with a "Fuck Starbucks" theme. Dark Water and Land of the Dead at the Summer Drive In. 7:15pm if you want to be there in time for the cookout and sangria, otherwise the movie starts around 8:30 or 9:00 or something. $6.50 cover. Monday, I hear Esque is playing Murphy's with the Boston Chinks and possibly another band as well. Stay tuned.


Cambodian Babies With Mohawks are all the rage

Check out the newest fashion accessories: Shanghaied Hollywood hotshits and cute Cambodian babies with mohawks. Angelina's such a trend setter. No really, I put my order in for one of those Cambodian babies today.[via goldenfiddle]


So Thursday I drank a bunch of sangria (I made a ton of it and it's just always around now; I can't help myself,) and went to the Cory Branan show. I hear it wasn't one of his better performances, which is good because I was in agony. Ben Nichols joined in at some point and they both got sloshed on stage because Rachel kept buying them shots so she could take a picture of Ben passed out on the bench in front of the Hi Tone. I had a couple of stout vodka sevens to get me through approximately the first half of the set, then we bailed and danced until the wee hours at the Buc where Lacy and Co. were spinning some good tracks. Scott Rogers kept feeding me beer. Friday we had cocktails at Paulette's before walking down to the Midtown Artist's Market (Sip Coffee and Conversations) to see The Feverfew. That place is awesome, I'd definitely recommend you check out shows there in the future. About 10:30 or so we left and went to change and go to Murphy's in time to catch my neighbor play with Esque. Esque might be one of Memphis' hot up and coming bands, we'll have to wait and see. They're still learning their material, I think, but they are definitely promising if for nothing more than the heart-throb factor. [Watch out Augustine, you've got competition!!!--Ed.] Anyway, things started going downhill from there, Jet Jaguar KR3 Kill Spree tripped me out and then I had a couple of Long Island Iced Teas and they were ok. Some dude from Utah who was not a Mormon and called himself Agape was fantastic. He had me dancing on the bar. It was sort of Industrial but with a lot more of the current dance aesthetic that everyone seems to like so much. Good stuff. I still can't find a website for him, but I'm tracking down a couple of MP3's to post soon. Um, then I went home before the Circuit Benders. Sorry guys, I was done. Saturday was pretty lazy. I sat on my couch naked watching Montel and eating gummy bears all day. It was too hot to do anything. We made an appearance at the Glass CD Release party and ate a shrimp po boy which was awesome, then we checked out some house party but left before it got weird. Actually, it was already weird. Very clique-ish with yuppie kids huddled together, seemingly terrified of the drunken hipsters carousing on the lawn. Sunday was more of the same during the day and then we broke and went to the drive in party after making more sangria to share and eating BBQ at Adam's parent's house. We caught War of The Worlds and that Adam Sandler/Football/Convict movie. Me and EJ were the only ones laughing during the latter, I know I was giggly due to sangria--I'm not sure why he was cracking up. It was actually pretty terrible. These weekly drive in parties are getting better and better every week. People bring food and booze and whatever and we block off our section with cars and turn all the speakers up and live it up. Good times, fer real. You should come this Sunday. Tonight, Weird War and Mouserocket at the Deli will make for an awesome show. After that you should go to Murphy's for the beer bust. A couple of the Scenestars crew will be playing tunes and there will be $5.00 all you can drink draft beer so you can get sloshed and dance. I'd post the flyer, except I don't like it because they took my idea and made it all weird and purple and shit and I don't feel like doing another one. Tough luck and shit.