2.14.2005

Homewrecker v6.0

So I've sat here and finished off the remaining gummy bears, even the green ones, while American Splendor drones on in the background thanks to HBO. I'm about ready for the bag of potato chips I've got in there calling my name. Gotta balance the sweet with the salty, you know. I really don't see what all the fuss was about this damn movie. I mean, who does this guy think he is, Woody Allen? Whatever. His version of Annie Hall isn't nearly as hot, and that's a deal breaker in my book, bubba. Really, darling, learn to distinguish quirky from cynical and blase and that'll be a good start for you. Ugh. I really have to do something about my lifestyle. The junkfood, the utter lack of physical activity, the staying up all night. Yeah, it could be worse and it has been, lots. But I don't feel healthy right now and that, my friend, is frustrating because a mere 4 months ago I did. I was. I was toned and muscular and my now sluggish circulation was stellar. I probably weighed at least 10 pounds more than I do now, but I looked better. My ass was a national treasure. But I might as well shut up about it because there are zero immediate plans to remedy my current situation. Honestly. And then on a totally unrelated note, how does a dead guy clean up at the Grammy's? I bet the only reason they don't make you automatically ineligible if you die is because they're secretly pulling for you, looking forward to the opportunity to shave minutes off of the broadcast due to one less emotional deity praising acceptance speech prefaced by 5 minutes of applause and plastic handshaking, et cetera ad nauseum. A ladybug just bit me. Twice. Do ladybugs bite? Weird. Anyway, I sat on my ass last night and missed the Limes, again. But I made it for the DJ thing at XYZ, except I was about a million hours early and it was sort of like being in an episode of "Are You Being Served" except featuring a cast of Memphis hipsters instead of stodgy British people and there really wasn't much in the way of dry humor. None at all, actually. And now it's Valentine's Day. Damnit.

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